The Musings of Patrick Jane
by FatandHappy
Summary: Series of oneshots from Jane's point of view. Some are off of episodes and some aren't, but getting into Jane's head is both amusing and interesting. What IS Jane thinking? Some language.
1. Morning Routine

Morning Routine

I stared up at Elvis, thinking how easy it would be to simply exist, as a ceiling stain. No stress, no emotions….no accidently falling for someone. Especially someone who's_ extremely _off limits.

Elvis smirked.

Shifting on my couch, I glanced at the clock on the wall.

6:30. Lisbon would be here in half an hour. I smiled at the thought. She would be waking up by now. An image of the fiery boss sprawled in bed with tousled hair appeared in my mind. How adorable. Inspired by that image, I fantasized Lisbon in various situations. Watching television late at night with that tub of New York Super Fudge Chunk Ben & Jerry's I know she loves. Dancing to that Spice Girl's CD when she's lonely. That blush that fills her cheeks and creeps down her neck whenever I get the best of her. It's beautiful.

6:45

Wow. Fifteen minutes of imagination. This is the time Van Pelt usually rolls in. I closed my eyes and settled deeper into my couch.

3….2….1….

The whoosh of elevator doors opening had me internally gloating at my perfect timing.

"Good morning Jane." Van Pelt sounded chipper as always. I cracked an eye open.

"Morning to you too." I took in her appearance. Slightly rumpled outfit, hair a little messy. Her posture was also very loose and relaxed.

She'd paid Rigsby a little visit last night.

Speaking of Rigsby, he must not be far behind Van Pelt, considering they both were coming from the same place…

"Rigsby!" I called without opening my eyes, "You look a wee bit tired. Did a little fairy keep you up last night?"

"Jane." Came the muttered reply as I heard the squeak of Rigsby falling heavily into his chair.

Silence. I itched for the work day to start, when silence was filled by Lisbon and headquarter cacophony.

6:58

T minus two minutes. I rolled off the couch and stretched.

"Coffee time for Lisbon." Van Pelt commented as I headed toward the kitchen.

"Shhh… don't tell. She'll never drink it if she knows I've touched it. Think I've screwed with it or something.

"Can do."

I poured the coffee and prepared it just as I knew she liked it. I smirked. Lisbon thought the rookie on the second floor who followed her around adoringly kept putting coffee on her desk. The truth must never come out.

6:59

I carried the hot drink across the bullpen, avoiding the amused stares of Rigsby and Van Pelt. Hypocrites. Like I was breaking CBI rules by bringing my boss some coffee; they were the ones having sex three times a week.

Opening her office door with the spare key I picked from her desk drawer, I placed the steaming mug on her desk, front and center. I looked around at the cold office, missing the energy that Lisbon exuded with her presence.

"Jane!" Rigsby's warning jolted me to awareness. Lisbon alarm.

In a flash I had the door closed and locked. I was on the couch, staring once again at Elvis.

The elevator doors whooshed open again.

7:00

"Morning Rigsby, Van Pelt. Jane." I grinned at the busy, harried voice.

"Hey, Lisbon!" I greeted from the couch rolling over to watch her enter her office.

"Thank God for the rookie." I heard her mumble as she sipped her coffee.

I smirked at Elvis.


	2. Snarky vs Smug

_Click click click_

Sigh

_Tap Tap Tap_

Sigh

_Ho hum….ho hum….._

Sigh

"Hey, Jane."

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

I stifled the sigh that threatened to escape, lest Cho fling his mound of paperwork at me. Instead, I twisted on my couch to look at Van Pelt.

"Hey, Van Pelt."

"Yes Jane?" Her eyes never left her computer.

"You wanna see a magic trick?" The redhead gestured towards her own mound of trees on her desk.

"Not unless you can make this paperwork disappear."

"I can do that."

"How?"

"Why would I tell you?"

She didn't respond. Expected.

"Hey, Rigs-."

"No. Jane."

I decided against antagonizing him. It was nearing lunch time, and a hungry Rigsby was as dangerous as a hungry lion.

Well, if they want to sit there and drown in paper let them. At least I have one person who will entertain me.

Ready or not Lisbon, here I come. With a grunt of pain from lying in one position for too long, I sprang from the couch, motivated.

I strolled to the office that belonged to my favorite person. The door was open. I stuck my head in and opened my mouth. "Go away Jane." She sighed, her eyes never leaving her desk. Her dark hair sparkled in the sunlight that washed in from the windows. I tried not to stare.

Apparently, I must have, because she raised her pretty head and gave me a look.

"I'm expecting someone. I need you out."

"Ooooooo who?" And more importantly, why did I have to leave?

"It's none of your business." Was she fidgeting? She must really want me out. Nobody kicks me out in such a short amount of time; I have to be in the room for at least five minutes.

"Jane. Out! Before I kick your ass all the way to Minelli's office."

"Just tell me who's coming, and I'll leave."

"No."

"Come on."

"It's not important."

"They're important enough to kick me out….unless they're so beneath me that my presence would distract them."

"You jackass! Bosco is way more capable and important than-"

Bosco. Bleck. Should've known. Only one other person besides me makes Lisbon as fidgety as she is, and that's Bosco. Now I have to put up with his snarky aura. Greeeeeeeat.

I'm not going down without a fight. Hmmm…. I checked my pockets. Perfect.

I moved to stand in front of her desk, and then plopped down in the chair facing her.

"Bosco. You're wasting your time with him?" I couldn't help but whine.

"Yeah, we have some things to discuss."

"Like?"

A death glare with enough energy to create a black hole was sent my way.

"Fine I'll go. But he irks me." I jumped up.

"Everybody irks you, Jane."

"Not you." I flashed her a big smile to ward off impending black holes. I just caught the red in her cheeks and the small smile before I ducked out of her office. As I was on my way to my comfy couch, Bosco rounded the corner. I kept my face perfectly neutral as I passed.

"Bosco." I said in passing.

"Jane."

I found my destination and turned to get a good view of Bosco walking into Lisbon's office. The door was kept open, which satisfied me for more than one reason. I got comfortable and closed my eyes, zeroing in on the conversation.

"Bosco."

"Lisbon." Okay, he sounded _way_ too happy to see her. I tried to fix the unconscious frown forming on my face.

"Please have a seat." I heard Lisbon say.

"Thanks, now I wanted to discuss-OUCH!" The shout was so loud that the entire bullpen froze, and everybody glanced towards Lisbon's office. I lifted my head in interest.

"Bosco, what's the matter?!"

"Damn pin sticking out from the chair!" More curses followed as Bosco stumbled out of the office and towards the elevator. He vanished. Lisbon stormed out of her office, looking like a mother bear whose cubs were taken. Everyone averted their eyes, not daring to make eye contact. Wimps.

"Jane, get your ass over here."

"Hey, don't look at me! I sat in that chair, and there was no pin when I was sitting down."

"You put it there."

"Did not"

"Did too."

"Did not."

"You're such a child."

"I think expressing your inner child once in a while is healthy. You should try it sometime."

Lisbon's eyes narrowed dangerously. "If you ever-"

"Who wants Chinese for lunch? Anybody?" I called out to the bullpen. Many voices rose in agreement and before Lisbon could hiss another word, I allowed myself to get washed away in the mini-crowd heading for the elevator, with Rigsby in the lead. Let the dangerous lion lead.

When I came back, I searched for Cho, dodging and ducking behind desks so that anyone inside Lisbon's office –or Lisbon herself- couldn't see me. I crept up to his desk.

"Cho!" I hissed. He jumped a foot in the air and reached for his gun.

"Whoa whoa! It's just me!" I raised one hand in the air, the other being occupied.

"What the hell Jane." He let go of the gun.

"Is Lisbon in her office?"

"No, she's getting coffee."

"Great, thanks."

I peeked around a corner in to the kitchen, and Lisbon was indeed pouring herself a cup of coffee. The way she slammed the coffee pot with a little more force than necessary indicated that she was still annoyed with me. Not for long. I had about ten seconds.

Still acting like a ninja –because it's good to release the inner child- I made my way into Lisbon's office, placing a carton of Chinese takeout with chopsticks on the desk. A peace offering of sorts. To give her the impression that I was sorry.

Pffft, yeah. Sure.


	3. A Monopoly of Texts

**Reviews and criticisms are always welcome! Tell me what you think ^^ Cheers!**

* * *

"Case closed pizza time!" I announced.

"Thank God." Rigsby groaned from his desk, speaking for his stomach. He ran for the phone. I looked over at Lisbon's door; she didn't come out. Weird. Closed case pizza and Lisbon were usually a happy mix. Maybe I should have gone for doughnuts instead.

I walked towards her office, intent on getting her nose out of her paperwork, even if it meant paying Cho to lift her bodily from the chair. I stopped outside her door….which was….closed….? Curiosity took over, something I really needed to work on, and I put my ear to the door.

Silence. Then, a small laugh; more like a giggle made its way to my ears. What the hell? What was in that office that could earn a _giggle_? From _Lisbon_? And I wasn't even in there!

Irritation at whatever was making my boss laugh won over. But she mustn't know that. I plastered my usual smile on my face, and without knocking, pushed the door open.

She was sitting at her desk, looking at her cell phone and smiling. But she was smiling a smile that was usually reserved for _me_, when I said something that amused her. That was my smile, and I should be the one who put it there on her lovely face.

When I burst in she had jumped a foot in her chair, as if she was caught murdering someone. The evil phone that was making her laugh was hastily shoved into her pocket as she flushed. "Dammit, Jane. It's called knocking."

"Meh, knocking is a waste of time." Especially when you're giggling about something behind this door that I should know about.

"So…"

"Jane, did you come here to say 'so'? Get out." Her hand unconsciously drifted toward her pocket, where the phone was. Something must really have her attention….I need that phone.

"I came to inform you that case closed pizza is on its way." I ignored the order to leave.

"Oh good." She sighed heavily. I didn't move from the doorway. Her hand stayed near that pocket. She looked at me expectantly, no doubt waiting for me to vacate the area. No way.

A staring war ensued. Her eyes screamed at me to get out, but I held my ground. She looked away, uncomfortable with keeping eye contact. I should help her with that; I like staring into her eyes.

A loud electronic beep broke the silence that the staring war caused, thus ruining the moment. Lisbon quickly reached into her pocket…too eager, in my opinion. She looked at the screen and that small smile appeared again. I want. that. phone.

She started texting, her fingers flying over the keys. I turned and saw Rigsby walking in with the pizzas to the bullpen. Perfect timing.

"Pizza's here." I told her, because she seemed to have forgotten I was there.

"Smells good." She said, as she put her phone in the pocket of her jacket hanging over the back of her chair. I allowed a small smile to slip through as I gestured for her to go out first. When she was gone, I strode quickly over to her jacket. I had about five minutes tops before they would get suspicious.

I retrieved her phone and peeked through the blinds, looking for any passerby that would rat me out. No one; too busy gobbling pizza. I moved to a dark corner in her office and quickly found her text inbox. She had a huge amount of texts from someone named Rob. Rob….never liked that name. I opened his latest texts:

_Come on, you know you would enjoy dinner and a movie. We've been friends forever, let's make it something more. Why don't you call me?_

_-Rob_

Oh. Oh no. No way in hell. Lisbon would not go for a cheesy guy like this. Dinner and a movie, please. Some originality; I got her a pony for her birthday; I have _way_ more originality than this loser. I quickly found what she sent back.

_I'll think about it ok? Work is keeping me busy around the clock and we just got a new lead. Maybe some time later._

_-Lisbon_

I smirked with satisfaction. She lied. Better yet, she lied while knowing that case closed pizza was on its way. She obviously did not want to date him….but then why had she been smiling? Ah, she must like the male attention. Understandable, as not many men could handle the woman….except me of course.

The electronic in my hand suddenly beeped again, the beep sounding louder than before because of my forbidden mission. I quickly silenced it while muttering curses. The screen flashed: Rob. Let's see how he takes the subtle rejection.

_Taking a break from work would be good for you Teresa. I'll wait for however long this case takes you. _

_-Rob_

Ugh, really? This guy never gave up. Well, I know that Lisbon can be much less subtle when she wants to be. I'll just give him a little example….

_Rob, please don't try to give me advice, I enjoy my work. I particularly enjoy working with my consultant Patrick Jane, who is our mastermind behind solving cases. I find that I enjoy his company, and I would appreciate it if we could remain friends. Please do not call or text me about dates, as you know my answer already. Thank you_

_-Lisbon_

I'm a dead man if she finds out. She wouldn't hesitate to shoot me in front of Minelli. Well…really I did her a favor. She didn't want him anyway. I glanced at the clock. Crap, I'd been here for four minutes already. Quickly I shoved the thing back into Lisbon's jacket pocket and slipped out of the office. The team was seated at a table across the bullpen facing the other way. I looped around the building and came around facing them, making it look like I'd come from the bathroom.

"We almost didn't save any pizza for you, Jane." Lisbon said from her slouched position in her chair, enjoying the full pizza experience.

"Thank you for showing restraint." I remarked. We sat in companionable silence.

_Beep….Beep….Beep…._

"I'm feeling a game of Monopoly. Anybody else?" Agreements drowned out any sounds of cellular devices. I'll get it later……


	4. Strawberry Addictions and Blue Skies

Humming Beethoven's Fifth, I wandered down the aisles of the store. I needed the perfect food for this…….ah ha! I grabbed a loaf of French baguette, squeezing it slightly to hear the satisfying crunch sound. I headed for the fruit section, and prowled. My prowling won me the best apples in the bin and the juiciest strawberries in the stack. This would get me on Lisbon's good side for sure. Jars of peanut butter, jams, and one giant container of marshmallow fluff made it into my cart. Never too much marshmallow fluff. Some bags of ships, soda, iced tea, and cookies also came across my cart and hopped in. I even found a basket to hold all the food for my little plan. Step 1: accomplished.

Second step….not so easy.

But still, I counted this as one of my better ideas as I drove to headquarters. No one could say no to this idea. Not even grumpy bosses who needed to relax.

"Attention, people!" I came into the bullpen lightly swinging my basket from my arm. Rigsby and Cho were having a staring contest, and it was as intense as a cowboy standoff. Van Pelt was actually being productive, staring at her computer with the same intense look on her face. Yeah, these people needed my help.

"Hey….hellooooo?" Only Van Pelt looked up. "Be quiet Jane, I'm trying to win ten bucks." Cho stated flatly without taking his eyes off Rigsby.

"But I've got food!" As expected, Rigsby sat up straighter and whipped his head around to look at me. Cho let slip a smirk of satisfaction just as Rigsby realized his mistake and cursed. I held up the basket.

"What kind of food?" Rigsby asked as he eyeballed the basket. "The good kind." I answered vaguely; I wanted Lisbon here when I announced this.

"Why don't you take it out?"

"It's not going to be eaten here."

I saw realization flash across Cho's face. "You know there's no way you'll get Lisbon out of this office."

"Oh, she'll come." I had strawberries, of course she'll come. At that moment Lisbon came striding out of her office. As she approached she glanced my way, and stopped dead when she saw my load. Her hair swung gently in a way that distracted me for a moment, and I grinned softly at her even as her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Explain."

A full blown grin spread across my face. "We're going on a picnic!"

Silence.

"Oh come on, you all need to get out of this building. Especially you." I pointed at Lisbon.

"We've already been on a picnic." She challenged.

"Well, last time we tried to have a picnic a body fell from the sky and it kind of ruined it. Hopefully no bodies fall out of the sky today, and the murderers of California give us this afternoon to enjoy a picnic with each other." Not a fun memory.

"We can't just leave the office to go on a picnic. Minelli wouldn't like it." Van Pelt chimed in, backing Lisbon. Not fair, usually she's on my side in most things. Plus, she knows how much Lisbon needs to relax.

"Minelli's not even here today. Didn't he call in sick or something? No one's around to notice if we take a couple of hours to enjoy the day." Did these people have an aversion to sunlight or fresh air or something?

"What if we get a call about a murder?"

"We haven't gotten a call in a week and a half. Frankly, I don't think Minelli would care if we vanished for a few hours to get some sun. Besides, people don't murder other people on such a beautiful day. Even for them it'd be too depressing."

"He has a point." Rigsby muttered and Lisbon turned her glare on him. He backed down.

"Someone has to watch the phone." She countered.

"Maybe you could get your hot guy from the mail room to watch it for you, I'm sure he'd love to do you a favor." She walked into that, and I don't get what she sees in that mail room guy….

"Besides, look what I've got Lisbon." I fished the strawberry package out of the basket and held it up, showing her my prize. I caught the look she gave them before she turned her attention back to me, trying to hide the smile I knew was forming.

She heaved a big sigh, and my favorite smile appeared as her eyes rolled upwards. Step 2: accomplished. "You're **not** driving." Damn.

Sacramento flew by us as we drove across the bridge. Lisbon called shotgun while Rigsby drove, and I smiled in satisfaction as the noises of the city disappeared.

"So where are we going anyway?" Lisbon asked, turning around in her seat to look at me. I smiled; I couldn't help it. "Only the best picnic spot known to man. Rigsby, turn left here."

We turned off the interstate and into a little town. The houses were neat, and the sun shined off expensive cars. Excitement grew in me as we neared the spot I had found years ago when I first moved to the area. I hoped Lisbon would like it….the others too.

"See that fence up ahead? Park right there." I pointed to the spot eagerly. The minute the car was parked I bounded out of the car, hauling the basket of food out of the trunk. Almost there. The fence was at the base of a small hill, the ground beyond hidden behind it.

I jumped the fence, and looked up the hill. "Come on." I encouraged, because they looked a little hesitant. I sighed. Cops who chase down evil people can't jump a fence. "We're not trespassing or breaking any laws, I swear."

Cho made a why not face and cleared the fence, followed by Van Pelt and Rigsby. Finally, huffing in exasperation, and probably wondering why she let me drag her out here, she scaled the fence and was dropping down next to me. That was as fast as a ninja, impressive.

"This way!" I said cheerfully as I led them up the hill. We stopped at the top, and I looked over at Lisbon anxiously. The hill overlooked a large bay, with ships moving across the water and seagulls wheeling about it in the sky. I thought it was beautiful. Next to me, Lisbon hummed in contentment.

"What do you think?" She had to like it….who wouldn't like it? Damn, this woman really made me jumpy. "It's…peaceful." She murmured, lifting her head to catch the breeze. See, I know how to make her happy. Mail room guy got _nothing_ on me. Oh look, Cho, Van Pelt and Rigsby seem pretty happy too. Mission: accomplished.

We spread out a blanket and sat in my favorite spot –other than my couch- with a blue sky and blue water.

Later, we had all shifted into more comfortable positions. Basically, we were strewn all over the blanket, lazing in the sunshine. I sat back on my hands next to Lisbon, totally satisfied in my ability to get her to relax. Cho sat cross legged, crease between his eyes as he worked on a crossword puzzle. Rigsby and Van Pelt were sitting quite close, obviously not at all concerned about the way they were obviously too comfortable with the other's body being in their personal space. I looked around at my…family.

Yes, my family. These people were more than co-workers, and it took me that long to figure it out.

I smiled in amusement as Lisbon smacked Rigsby when he reached for the last strawberry. He relinquished the fruit with a sigh, and she bit into it with a triumphant smirk. Strawberry addiction.

I looked around at them all. Cho, Rigsby, Van Pelt….my Lisbon. How did they worm their way into my heart? Wasn't there a rock hard barrier of emotions too deep to unravel encasing my heart? Well, they certainly scaled that wall as quickly as they scaled the fence…I find I don't mind. I need them; my dysfunctional, hilarious family.

I watched the clouds.


	5. Chocolate Bunnies and High Heels

***I'm a Jisbon addict, it can't be helped. **

**Disclaimer: It's funny that you'd think I'd own the Mentalist. Apparently, I'm not cool enough to own it.**

I hid the last one, tucking it safely into a crevice in my couch. Straightening up, I scanned the bullpen, searching for any vivid colors that would give my plan away. But all I could see were the boring grays and browns of the office. They'll love this; even Cho. The inner child in me wouldn't and couldn't be ignored.

And Lisbon'll love_ this_.

I searched my jacket pockets until I found it. A giant, solid, chocolate bunny. I snuck into her office (I _didn't_ steal these keys, I swear) and propped it right in front of her computer screen, she couldn't miss it. Happy Easter, Lisbon. Hopefully, this will patch things up between us. She's been short with me ever since Hightower arrived. Why can't she see that I would never get her fired? That stunt with Anglet was only to push Hightower's buttons, test her limits. Besides, she wouldn't fire Lisbon on something as small as that. She must know that if Lisbon walks, so do I. She's a bluffer. Hopefully. At least, I think she is.

"What are you doing?!" Shit. Uhhh….

"Good morning to you." I spun around, slipping the keys into my sleeve. Lisbon stood in the doorway, staring at me with her full blown 'Jane face'. In one hand was a cup of coffee and the other was lying on the holster of her gun.

"Ok, don't shoot. Just relax. I wasn't doing anything."

"Sure." She brushed past me. "What'd you screw with? If you tampered with anything I swear to-"She stopped midsentence as she glanced at her computer. She stared at the bunny, as if she wasn't sure it was really there. Then she picked it up and eyed it. She glanced up at me, raising an eyebrow. I raised mine. She looked down at my present for a few seconds, and ran a hand over the package.

"Thanks, Jane." I was rewarded with a soft smile and sincerity.

"My pleasure." I said happily. It really was.

Suddenly, I tuned into the clickety-clack of high-heels coming down the hallway. They were getting louder. Lisbon sat up straighter and hastily shoved the chocolate bunny into a drawer. That could only mean….

"Morning Jane. Lisbon." Hightower said as she walked into the office like she owned the place. I know this pisses off Lisbon, it _is_ her office. Judging by the way Lisbon's body language changed like someone flipped a switch.

"Morning." I said for both of us, settling on Lisbon's couch. It's best to stick around for these conversations.

"Just so you're aware, I have to go to a meeting with the AG for an update on how the office is running. I trust that you'll keep everything operating smoothly, Agent Lisbon?" Hightower said.

Lisbon looked up at her, expression unreadable, and nodded dutifully. "Yes, ma'm." Hightower gave a brief nod and turned on her clickety-clacks, leaving a cloud of bitterness behind her. I cocked my head and peered out the open door of Lisbon's office to make sure she was gone.

I turned to see Lisbon almost smashing her keyboard while she typed, muttering under her breath. "You WILL explode someday if you don't get rid of that pent up frustration." I told her. "Maybe you should get a punching bag."

"How dare she come in here and ask if I can keep this office running for one day when I've been keeping this office running for months before she even arrived!?!" She eyed the doorway with disdain.

"She's just reminding you of her authority. Don't worry, she'll mellow out. Now, come with me." I beckoned with my finger and smiled. Lisbon gave in with an aggravated, "To hell with it."

Cho, Van Pelt and Rigsby, were at their desks. The tension was a wall between Rigsby and Van Pelt. Poor souls, they'd be happier if they just stayed together. Drama sucks. Well, maybe this would help them all forget about their worries. I checked to see if Lisbon was still behind me; she was.

"Hey everybody!" I clapped my hands to get their attention. "I saw that we could all use a stress reliever, so I decided to take matters into my own hands."

They all glanced at me with tired eyes.

"I decided that you all could use an egg hunt. Go find 'em!" Van Pelt shrugged, and got up. I smiled encouragingly.

"This is stupid." Cho said even as he got up from his own chair. Rigsby followed, and soon the three were prowling the bullpen for plastic eggs. I turned, and saw Lisbon leaning against Cho's desk, her arms crossed stubbornly over her chest.

"Come on." I coaxed. "I put jelly beans in some of them."

"It's childish, and I'm not doing it. I don't enjoy competitive hunting, even for eggs."

"Well, had I known that I would've dressed as an Easter bunny to amuse you, but I didn't think security would let me into the building."

Lisbon failed to hide a laugh at her mental image of me in a bunny suit with a fluffy tail. She morphed it into a fake cough.

"Will you please humor me? Just find one egg." I pleaded.

"Fine!" She lightly smacked the back of my head as she passed.

"Oh, you're getting warmer! I have a fever!" Lisbon was looking at my couch contemplating where I would hide an egg. She had already found five, one being in her coffee maker. She had gradually relaxed and started to enjoy herself. Even the others immersed themselves in the childish activity. Cho and Rigsby had quite the standoff, both seeing the same egg at the same time and diving for it. Now, they were all sitting at their desks, cracking open the eggs and eating. The last egg was the one Lisbon was hunting.

She stuck her hand into the far corner, feeling for the egg. She glanced at me, elbow deep in the couch and grinned triumphantly as she pulled the bright green egg out, shaking it. The satisfying sounds of jelly beans rattling filled the air.

"Well done." I told them, as Lisbon opened the egg and poured all the jellybeans in her mouth at once.

"God, I missed these." Lisbon muttered through her mouthful.

"Good idea, Jane. Thanks." Van Pelt said. She smiled, it was half-hearted, but still the closest thing to a smile I'd seen in a week from her.

"Thanks man." Rigsby muttered, not taking his eyes off his candy.

"It was still stupid." Cho popped a peep into his mouth. In Cho language that was an '_I actually really enjoyed it but there's no way in hell I would ever admit it.'_

"No problem. I enjoyed watching you guys."

_Ding! Click-clack……click-clack…._

"Dammit." Lisbon hissed. She grabbed the eggs she had found while Rigsby, Van Pelt, and Cho all slid their eggs into their drawers and cleared wrappers from their desks. Lisbon practically bolted for her office. I stood there in the midst of it all, ready to meet Hightower head on.

The three agents in the bullpen, all turned towards their computers, acting like good little agents; just as Hightower rounded the corner. I smiled and waved, hoping to distract her from the fact that Rigsby was trying to swallow a load of jellybeans still in his mouth.

"How was your meeting?" I asked with fake sincerity that could fool anyone. Hightower glanced at the hard working agents, then back at me. She gave me one of those smiles that I never felt comfortable with.

"Everything went fine. Is Lisbon in her office?"

"Yes." I answered reluctantly. Why can't she leave my boss in peace?

I trotted after Hightower, following her through Lisbon's door. She was bent over paperwork, studying it. She looked up.

"I see that things ran smoothly while I was away, Lisbon. Good work."

"Thank you." Lisbon made a face to her back as she left. "Bite me." She muttered, opening the drawer next to her. She took out the chocolate bunny and opened it, ripping the foil off. She bit half the bunny's head off, closing her eyes and savoring the taste. She breathed deeply, and opened her eyes.

"Get out. I have file work to do."


	6. Bottles in the Night

**Disclaimer: *Waves magic wand* OHHH LOOK THE RIGHTS TO THE MENTALIST….oh dang….IT'S FAKE!!!....what am I trying to say here people?**

**Warning: I dropped the fluff for this chapter, I felt the need for a more serious tone every now and then, because just like in real life, nothing's all fluff all the time. R&R, if you've got a moment. Tell me what you think of my angsty side. **

"Bye." I called from my couch. Soft farewells made their way back to me as the agents stepped into the elevator, disappearing for the night.

The silence seemed to ring in the darkening building, shadows growing taller. I gritted my teeth, hating the silence. Silence lets the demons escape, and a bite in the ass from my demons won't be pleasant. I resorted to talking to Elvis. I murmured to the ceiling stain, focusing on it and only it.

"…and Hightower's not making anything better. She pisses Lisbon off and…." I yawned, stretching my arms over my head. "….and Minelli was a better boss Elvis…."

* * *

AH!! I jerked upwards, my heart jumped into my mouth as I looked around, disoriented. I took in my surroundings: couch, desks, elevator. Work. Phew. I leaned over, putting my head between my legs. God that was scary. My dreams are more vivid than I'd prefer them to be.

Something warm and comforting called to me, to stop the shaking and fear. If one thing keeps demons away, it's a hot drink in a familiar place.

I nearly stumbled to the kitchen, intent on comfort.

I put the bag of tea in the water, inhaling a comforting aroma.

_Crash_

The shatter of what sounded like glass had me jumping in surprise. It lasted a fraction of a second, then faded into silence. I waited a minute, seeing if the noise repeated, but the buzz of the AC and my breathing were the only sounds.

I peered out of the kitchen, glancing around. My eyes skipped over, and then flew back to, the faint light in Lisbon's office.

Lisbon?

She probably left the light on when she left. But that still doesn't explain the creepy shattering noise. Now I'm nervous…but what crazy axe-murderer would want to break into the department of justice? There's nothing worth stealing here.

Grabbing my tea (scalding liquid is a good weapon when one is lacking a gun) I walked silently through the bullpen, approaching Lisbon's office. The door and blinds were closed, but light still seeped in through the glass door. I stopped in front of the door, listening. Faint rustlings could be heard. Then a sniffle, the sloshing of liquid, and the thump of something hitting a desk.

Keeping my boiling weapon at the ready I pushed the door open. And exhaled in relief.

Lisbon was slumped in her chair, head face down on her arm. The other arm was out of sight, dangling at her side. Papers were crumpled all over her desk and her hair was scattered haphazardly. I sighed in amusement; poor, overworked woman.

Then she moved, her head raised from the desk, eyes still closed. The way her head swayed gave the impression that she was struggling to remain upright.

"Lisbon." I murmured, moving closer. I might have to drive her home if she was this tired. I chuckled at the sleepy expression on her face. A crunching sound had me glancing at the floor. Glass shards were strewn all over the floor….what?

Her eyes had shot open upon hearing her name. My own widened at what I saw.

Those usually green eyes were red, bloodshot. Her mascara was smudged around her eyes, and an imprint of her arm was on her cheek from where it'd been resting. But what really got to me were the tears. Tears were flowing in tiny rivers down her pale face, dripping off her chin. The flow of tears never stopped or slowed. Even when her eyes met mine, then unfocused, blinking slowly at me. There was no recognition, no surprise at my fact her eyesquickly passed over me, ignoring me, like I wasn't even there.

What the hell? What the hell was Lisbon doing here, crying, at midnight?

"Lisbon?" I spoke slowly, walking to her and gently touching her shoulder. She flinched away as though I'd branded her. She turned away from me. I stared at her hunched figure, wondering if she was drugged. No, Lisbon wouldn't do drugs….

The arm that'd been dangling by her side moved. It rose and the light glinted off the glass of a bottle. A bottle of tequila. She raised it to her lips and chugged. I watched as she downed half the container in one long pull. Damn.

She roughly slammed the bottle down on her desk, making it rattle. The tears continued to fall as a soft sob escaped her.

"Lis- Lisbon, how much have you been drinking?" I turned her chair to face me, forcing her to look at me. But those haunted eyes just flicked over my face, never resting in one spot; her eyes constantly slid in and out of focus, pupils dilating. She shakily wiped her hand across her mouth, hiccupping.

"Jaaaaaaaaaaane." She garbled, the letters slurring over each other, lifting a finger to point in my face. I didn't touch her; she probably would slap me if I tried. But I need to understand what's tormenting her. My Lisbon would never stoop to drowning herself in alcohol, unless the reason was something so heart breaking and terrifying that she needed to forget. And this was the only way she knew how to forget.

"Yes, yes. I'm Jane. Tell Jane what happened."

She seemed to think for a moment, then her face crumpled, remembering something painful. Muttering under her breath and looking anywhere at me, she twisted the chair out of my hold. Pale hands grasped that bottle, that magical bottle that could make her forget. Forget to feel, forget to care.

But I won't let her forget, whatever it is she's trying to shut out. I won't let her, and her hate at me for forcing her to face her demons won't overcome the secret relief she'll feel that she didn't die because of alcohol, like her mother.

Shaking my head I gently put my hands on the bottle that was halfway to her mouth. "Stop drinking Lisbon. You've obviously had more than one bottle. You keep going you'll kill yourself."

"Stop it Jaaaaaaaaaane." She raised her voice as she tugged on the bottle between us; but I refuse to let her have her way. I pulled at the alcohol.

"NO!" She screamed, jumping straight out of the chair, trying to jerk it out of my hands. I held fast.

"NO! GIVE HIM BACK." Her scream was almost primal, raw and full of fear, anger, hatred and so many other things. "GIVE HIM BACK YOU BASTARD!" She wrenched the tequila away from me even as I stumbled back in shock. Hugging the container to her chest, she murmured softly to it, crooning unintelligible things.

_Give him back._

_Give __**him**__ back._

_**Him.**_

My eyes softened in pity and sadness as the realization struck me. What else could reduce Lisbon to this base creature but the death of a loved one?

I took a step toward her, keeping my face open and gentle. She eyed me warily, and I opened my hands in front of her, a gesture meant to calm.

"I can't bring him back. He can't come back." I regretted my words instantly as the broken woman in front of me seemed to break into more pieces. Folding in on herself, she let the bottle slip from her hands, the shatter of glass heard once more. Tequila rained on the floor. A violent sob shook her body and the misery in it tore at my heart.

Lisbon swayed, I took two quick steps forward as she fell, supporting her as she buried her face in my chest. My arms wrapped around her waist, and I led her to the couch a few feet away, grateful for the piece of furniture. I sat her down, then gathered her close.

"Lisbon Lisbon…." I hummed her name soothingly over and over. There was a growing stain on my vest but I ignored it. Lisbon was far more important. She burrowed further into me, taking refuge from the hailstorm of emotions. She had stopped sobbing, which was good, but the crying never stopped. At one point she started hyperventilating, and before I knew it she had climbed in to my lap, pressed her face into my neck and cried even harder.

Shocked at the display of closeness from Lisbon of all people, I went still for a moment, then relaxed. I rubbed slow circles on her back.

"It's ok." I whispered. "I'm right here. Let it out."

"Sam." She lamented softly, mourning. Her arms wound around my neck, holding onto me like a lifeline. I rocked her slowly, not knowing what to say or do, other than let her cry it out.

I held her all night as she fought with her demons, rocking her slowly and holding her close. I kept my arms around her even when she fell asleep for short periods of time, afraid that if I let go, she would shatter into even more pieces. I fought the frustration and bitterness that I couldn't give her what could fix her, so that I would never have to bear this side of Lisbon that ripped at my heart like claws.

She battled with her demons as I held her, helped her. I paid Lisbon back a fraction of what I owe her for all the times that she'd rescued me from my evil spirits. And unlike all the years I'd spent waging a war with my inner fiends, sitting under a bloody smiley, she wasn't alone.


	7. Vulnerable Shame

**This is a follow up to my last chapter. I just had to, it wouldn't stop nagging me. Plus, I can't have extreme angst, and then extreme fluff. Trying to ease into the more lighter tone and darker tones. But I love follow-ups! Hope you enjoy! Btw, I send my undying affection to those who reviewed, and even if you just read it, I still give you affection. ;) As Simon Baker would probably say, Cheers! **

"Hello!"

"Jane, we gotta case out in Francisco."

"….Cho? Why are you calling from Lisbon's phone?"

"She just gave me her phone and told me to call you."

"Oh….well, why couldn't _she_ have called me?"

"I couldn't say, Mr. Whiner. Now meet us at the office in twenty minutes."

"But it's Sunday!!!"

"Headquarters. Twenty minutes. New case. Don't make Lisbon more pissed than she already is."

"Why is she-" _Beeeeeeeeep._ How rude.

I stared down at the cell phone, twirling it around. I saw my slight pout reflected in the black screen. I stared into the depths of the blackness, and found myself replaying Friday night, something I couldn't stop thinking about.

""_Lisbon, Lisbon." I murmured softly as I rocked her back and forth in my lap. She clung to me, and cried softly into my neck. The alcohol she had been downing was forgotten and splattered all over the office floor. I held her until she hiccupped herself into unconsciousness._

_Shifting gently, I picked her up off of me, and laid her softly back down on the couch. I gathered the shards of glass strewn over the floor, and cleaned up the tequila as best I could. Lisbon whimpered softly and curled into herself. I found myself rushing forward, to pick her back up. I held her as if she were a broken vase glued together that could break at any moment. Her head burrowed into my chest and I looked down at her, filled with affection and concern._

_Stumbling slightly, I got down the elevator and out to the parking lot. I bent over Lisbon's form, protecting her from the wind whipping around us I hurried over to her car. I shifted her weight and searched through her pockets, finding keys. Opening the door I laid her down across the back seat, thinking she'd be more comfortable. I placed my jacket over her to stop the soft shivering._

_Thanking the fact that I'd been to her house before, I navigated the dark streets in Lisbon's car, inhaling the comforting and alluring sent of her. I frequently checked behind me, watching the orange fluorescents of the street lights pass over Lisbon's finally peaceful face._

_After I got her through the door of her apartment, I glanced at the couch, contemplating laying her down right there. One look at the darkened stairs and I changed my mind. Lisbon deserved to wake up in her own bed after the hell she'd been through. Grunting with the effort, I tread up the stairs as softly as possible. I peeked through the doors until I found her bedroom, and ignored the siren blaring the invading privacy warning obnoxiously in my head._

_The small woman sighed softly as her head pressed on her pillow, as if recognizing her own bed even in unconsciousness. She rolled onto her side, facing me, and curled in on herself. I looked down at my Lisbon, safe and warm in the cocoon of her bed. As I let my fingers dance lightly along her cheek, I was visited by the peculiar and irresistible urge to undress her; change her into something comfortable, in the hopes that maybe she'd forget this horrible night if she woke up in pajamas._

_But while the intention might be innocent, it was wrong. This was wrong. Undressing your boss was wrong. How could that thought have even entered my head?_

_Maybe it was the way, she stretched in her sleep. The black hair that was tangled almost artfully across the pillow, and the way her brow furrowed slightly and her lips settled into an adorable pout._

_The urge hit me again, and this time my fingers were sliding up and down her neck. Warm breathe exhaling against my fingers had me reeling backwards, reality hitting me like a brick. Wrong, wrong,wrong._

_I stumbled almost blindly out of the room, out of the house. I walked back to CBI, to my car. I went to my own house, my own bed…_

I was pulled from the depths of my thoughts as the screen I was reflecting into turned color, and started to vibrate. Lisbon.

Or Cho. Hopefully Lisbon.

Preparing for a verbal lashing (I should have been there by now) I flicked the phone open.

"I can ex-"

"You're late." Cho again. Lisbon must be avoiding me. She was probably full to the brim with anger and shame. No one sees Teresa Lisbon break down. Poor embarrassed Lisbon; there is no shame in expressing your feelings.

"I'll be right there….where's Lisbon?"

"At her desk with a murderous look on her face that has 'Kill Jane' written all over it."

Cringing at the thought while simultaneously imagining how charming she probably looked with that pout on her face I was all too familiar with.

"Keep the beast at bay while you can. I'll be there in ten minutes."

I hurried into the bullpen; the team was sitting around tapping various items impatiently.

"So sorry. Took a wrong turn." They didn't need to know my thoughts. _That_ would be an invasion of privacy.

I'm such a hypocrite.

Her scent hit me before I saw her, and before I could even say a 'hello', she strode toward the elevator fast-paced. The team followed. I trailed behind, much like the little child who got punished for pushing their sibling into the mud.

I gave up my seat next to Lisbon in the car as we drove towards the scene. I opted for the back, the place where I could cause the least amount of tension and worry to Lisbon.

I knew her snippy attitude wasn't ungratefulness; in fact it was far from it. I knew she was grateful that no one else had found her in that drunken stupor, but horrified at the thought of what she might have done or said to me that she couldn't remember. It was a vulnerability to her, forgetting something important like that. But really, she would have done what any normal person would have done in that kind of situation.

I gazed at the back of her head, eyes wandering down the slope of her neck, where my fingers had been not too long ago… I jerked my gaze upwards, and met Lisbon's eyes in the mirror. I held the gaze even as her eyes widened and she quickly broke the eye contact.

Loosen up, Lisbon. What happened really wasn't that bad….at least, what happened when you were conscious…..

A/N ok so that went a completely different direction than I originally thought it would. But hey, I'm content with it. R&R-ing is a beautiful thing, you know.


	8. Changed

**Ok, I know this scene happened so long ago, but I've had this for a while and I just thought it was the sweetest Jisbon fan moment, because, if you haven't noticed by now, I'm a Jisbon addict. Just a little something sweet.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned The Mentalist I wouldn't have the bitter taste in my mouth.**

"Well, that puts me in an awkward position." I countered.

No response.

Lisbon's eyes glazed over, and an unconscious smile appeared on her face. "Oh God, I used to love this song." She murmured, as if talking to herself. She seemed to have forgotten I was there. That needed to be fixed.

"You love this song." I stated, tuning into the music playing. More than Words by Extreme. Huh. Who knew. I briefly scolded myself for not learning this fact sooner.

Then it came to me. What a beautiful opportunity. She started swaying slightly. Time to act on said opportunity.

"Obviously, you wanna dance." Her eyes snapped open, and she regarded me with a wary, skeptical expression.

"With you? No." She looked away.

The remark stung, but I knew her response came from a desire to be the one to crush hopes instead if being the one whose hopes were crushed/ How many people had crushed her hopes?

I quickly smothered he pity that flitted through me. I wanted to dance with her, not get punched.

"Oh come on, you could pretend that I'm that mean cold-hearted guy you used to worship from afar but never talked to."

I knew victory was imminent from the shy smile that she tried to hide and the familiar endearing blush that tinted her cheeks. I hid my grin.

"No funny stuff." In Lisbon language that sounded like a 'yes'.

She slipped her hand into mine as I led her to the dance floor. It was almost second nature to pull her in close, rest a hand on her back. I felt Lisbon relax, and lay her head on my shoulder.

Victory.

This was a rare moment; a moment where I could see the woman behind the shell. Where she wasn't shouting about what a lazy egotistical jackass I was.

As we swayed gently to the music, our bodies in sync, I felt something.

Something shattered.

Something broke.

I suddenly felt a rush of affection for the small person I was holding. A barrier surrounding my bitter cynical heart cracked, and I didn't feel the sharp shards. Instead I felt comfortable. I felt wanted.

It's a start.


	9. Nosy

***Ok. This is also one part of a two part thing. I couldn't fit it all into one. Jane's reactions and emotions took up a lot of space ;) Anyway, thank you to all my readers and reviewers, without you guys I wouldn't be in this stage of this story, series, whatever you wish to call it. Back to Patrick Jane…..**

Sighing impatiently, I glanced at the clock on the wall.

7:02

I closed my eyes and tried to relax, and sink into the couch. Be the couch…..meditation…. Didn't work. I opened my eyes.

7:05

Ok, it was getting slightly weird. Lisbon was five minutes late. Five. To her, that's like being an hour late. Lisbon doesn't tolerate lateness in any form. If she's ever been late to something I'll eat my couch.

Turning away from the elevator that was teasing me by not opening, I closed my eyes once more and pretended. I pretended Lisbon was in her office and that I could relax and drift into slumber. I counted sheep, counted backwards in my head from five hundred; hell, I tried meditation again.

7: frikin 30.

That's it, my nervous mode was kicking. Something's up with Lisbon….not that I'm protective of her or anything….she could kick my ass any day. Alright I'm a man, the instincts just _there_. Lisbon's a beautiful and caring woman; it'd make sense that she'd activate that instinct in me. Yeah, it's normal.

Frowning at the mini self analysis, I sat up. If Lisbon didn't show her face in the next five minutes I'd go find it. Thanking the creator of Sudoku, I focused on the number puzzle.

"Jane."

"Yes Cho?"

"Stop banging your pen against the desk." I immediately stopped the unconscious habit.

7:33

"Jane."

"Cho."

"Foot." My bouncing shoe abruptly stopped mid-tap. Cho showed his appreciation by blinking at me, and returning to his book.

Silence.

7:35

Ok, now my nervous mode was in high gear. "Where the hell is Lisbon?" I asked the room in general, trying to keep my worry and irritation from invading my tone.

"She called me a little while ago." I whipped around to look at Van Pelt. She blinked at my somewhat intense gaze. "She um..she said she couldn't be at work today. That's all." Well, that's not very helpful.

"Bet she's going on a date and using today to find a good outfit." Rigsby grinned at the mental image. Lisbon sorting through dresses was apparently a funny picture, and it was. Lisbon _in_ a dress might be a very different story.

"Lisbon? Nah." Cho looked up, engaging in the conversation. I shook my head at the thought of Lisbon on a date with some sap. "You sayin Lisbon doesn't date?" Rigsby countered.

"No. I'm saying that if Lisbon was going on a date she'd be at work today, not primping. And Lisbon's a good looking woman; a lot of men would want to date her."

I stared at Cho. He thought Lisbon was…good looking? Well, I mean, she is; she's beautiful….but he could keep those comments to himself.

"Good lookin, huh?" I said carefully. "…Would you date her?" Cho gave me a look, blunt and knowing.

"If she wasn't my boss and she wasn't constantly surrounded by a blonde bodyguard who could manipulate my mind into doing his bidding then yes. I would."

"Who is this bodyguard? I bet I could get past him." I grinned. I'm glad people think of me as Lisbon's 'bodyguard'. Again, the instincts there, it's not going away and frankly, I don't want it to.

Cho flipped a page in his book, engrossed in the novel that looked boring even from over here. "I'm gonna go find her." I announced.

"She's probably at home, she won't let you in."

"Yes she will." I was fairly confident I could get into Lisbon's house,

Cho flipped another page.

I slowed my car to a stop outside Lisbon's house. Good thing fate had brought me to her house before so I knew where it was. I really did not want to hack her computer for her information. It's rude.

I stared intently at the house. The drapes were closed, and the house had an air of inactivity about it. Weird.

As I was about to get out of the car I saw her. The drapes were pushed back the tiniest bit. The sun's rays hit her hair, her face. It lasted only a split second; her eyes met mine across the distance. Those eyes widened, and before I could register the emotion on her face, she yanked the drapes back into place.

I sat back in my seat. So she was here…but why? Sick? Getting ready for a….date? I grimaced and cast the possibility away so I couldn't dwell on it.

Knocking on the door was useless; she wouldn't open if my ass was on fire. But I did anyway, walking up to her door and knocking loudly, clearly, and insistently.

Stubborn silence. I could practically hear her breathing right behind the door. I rapped on the door again. "Lisbon, open up." I coaxed.

"Lisbon." I half sang, rapping on the door. Irritated silence this time. Her moods were so obvious and pronounced. When Lisbon's angry you won't be able to miss it; or the objects being thrown at my head.

"Listen, you can't stay in there forever."

...

"What are you doing in there anyway? Are you sick? Death in the family? Getting ready for a date?" I sincerely hoped it wasn't the last one.

The door cracked open an inch. An eye peeked out, half covered by black hair. I smiled at the sight of her face…eye. "Hello!" I said cheerily.

The eye narrowed, and easily turned into a glare. "I am not getting ready for a date! I'm not that shallow!" She hissed.

"One would never know. You didn't call."

"I called Van Pelt. Besides, I'm busy. Go away." She tried to shut the door, and I reached my hand out, preventing it from closing. The eye glared again.

"Just tell me what's up with you and I'll leave. Maybe."

"Jackass." She hissed, and the eyeball rolled.

"No need for foul language. I just wanna know what you're up to in there." I tried to peer past her into the house.

"No! It's none of your business. And stay out of my personal life!" And before I could even open my mouth to tell her that her business is my business, she shut the door in my face.


	10. Nosy Part Two

***So sorry for the delay. I have no excuse! But thank to all that reviewed the last chapter…now… Part Two! If you can't remember what this is a follow up to, please go back to the last chapter. It's my fault for not updating in a timely fashion. Thanks.**

I jumped backwards to avoid her door slamming in my face. I heard a "Go to hell." The loud noise caught the attention of a neighbor about to get into his car. I waved cheerfully at him, and he ducked his head, embarrassed to be caught staring.

Even though Lisbon had just slammed a door in my face I was grinning to myself. She presented a challenge and overcoming those challenges is the air I breathe. Especially Lisbon challenges; those were the most amusing and challenging. She was more complicated than any murder.

Slipping my hand into my back pocket, while looking around casually, I nonchalantly pulled my credit card out of my wallet. Classic, but oh so effective; you just had to find the right leverage, and flick the wrist just right. It's all in the wrist.

I bent down and very quietly slid the sheet of plastic into the crack in the door. Face scrunched in concentration, I jiggled the card, searching for the right spot. Ah ha! The satisfying click of the door unlocking had me grinning in quiet triumph. I opened the door a crack and peered in.

A medium sized living room with comfy looking chairs and a really comfy looking couch occupied the space. Wait…

My attention flew back to the couch. A lump of blankets took up the entire piece of furniture. A lump that looked far more substantial than just a pile of blankets…

I slipped into the house, closing the door behind me in one swift and silent motion. I approached the lump warily.

"Uhh, Lisbon?" No way that lump was Lisbon. It didn't resemble a human being in any shape or form. I carefully prodded the lump, coming into contact with what felt like bone. The lump grunted and the blankets rose as a form detached itself from the mess of blankets. Lisbon's face peeked out from under layers of sweatshirts and black hair. She sat up, her head a mess of hair.

My hand had a mind of its own, and reached up to smooth the raven black hair. She swatted my hand away weakly, and then I noticed: her eyes were droopy and rimmed with red. She sniffled multiple times in the five seconds it took for me to look her over, and she was wrapped up in layers of sweat shirts and blankets.

Date, my ass.

"Oh, Lisbon." I grimaced as she hacked into the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "Lisbon. You have a cold." I said in a knowing voice.

"What? M'fine. Go away." Her voice was rough and scratchy, not making her words at all convincing.

"You, Lisbon are far from fine." I knelt down in front of her, as she blew her bangs out of her face. She stared angrily at me.

"How'd you even get into my-" Hack hack. Cough cough. "Not important." I brushed it aside, laying the back of my hand against her forehead.

"Geez, Lisbon, I could cook a steak on your forehead. Your temp's really high."

She just glared up at me resentfully. "Please go away Jane." She rasped, flipping the TV on.

"And you're losing your voice." I observed. She merely ignored me, snuggling down into her cocoon of blankets.

The only place I was going was to the kitchen. She'd have to bodily remove me from the premises if she really wanted me gone. And deep down, she really doesn't.

Shedding my jacket on the other side of the couch I hummed on my way to the kitchen. I set the tea pot on the stove, and stared into the steam rising from the spout. Rigsby had been so wrong. I felt guilty at the relief that washed through me at the sound of Lisbon's coughing. Better sick than dating faceless, nameless strangers.

Another kind of guilt entirely had me automatically reaching to twiddle the ring around my finger.

The scream of the tea kettle snapped me out of it. Pouring the tea into the cups, I added a little extra honey; maybe it would help stop that god awful hacking and coughing.

Eyeing me as I returned to the living room, she silently took the cup I offered, wrapping her hands around it. I scanned her appearance, looking for any signs she was getting worse. A slight shivering was all I detected, and I sat myself down on the other side of the couch comfortably.

As we watched some game show, I felt Lisbon glance at me every now and then. I stubbornly sipped my tea, refusing to leave her when she was so sick.

"Have you seen a doctor?"

She snorted softly, and pushed the hair out of her face. "It's just a cold. It'll be gone soon. Besides, you're such a hypocrite; telling me about doctors when you haven't stepped foot in a doctor's office in years." Her voice seemed to have come back a little stronger than before.

Honey is magic.

"I never get sick, my dear."

"Well, I hope one day you do, and then I'll set the doctor's appointment myself." Fire flickered in her eyes as she engaged in our banter.

"I'm hurt that you would wish such a thing on me, Lisbon. Where's your heart?" I questioned playfully.

"On vacation."

"Ah." I chuckled lightly, placing my mug on the coffee table. " That's bad timing."

"Not my fault." Her lips twitched, and I saw the split second grin before it hit her. I saw it coming. I grabbed some tissues and she was hit by a round of violent coughing and sneezing. She stuffed the wad of tissues over her mouth and nose. I leaned forward and patted her back gently as the fit subsided.

"God." She muttered angrily, throwing the tissues onto the table. "Sorry bout that."

"No, it's okay. Better out than in." She looked as if she was going to respond, then thought better of it. Instead, she grabbed her tea and burrowed back into the couch.

As she drained her mug, I returned them to the sink. A vibration eachoed through my pocket. Glancing at the phone, I sighed wearily and flipped it open.

"How's Lisbon?"

"She's got a fever and coughing violently. She won't be in for the rest of the week probably."

"She let you in?" Cho asked, with a hint of skepticism in his tone.

"Oh of course. Totally grateful for the company. She can barely talk."

"Alright, well, I was just calling to check up."

I hung up the phone with a chuckle. Cho really doubted my ability to get into places I don't belong. He really should know by now.

"Jane?" I poked my head into the living room at the sound of her voice. "Jane…you can go if you want. Thanks for the tea an everything but-"

"Not leaving Lisbon. Thought I made that clear?" It was only around lunchtime anyway.

She just shrugged and turned back to the TV, flipping through the channels.

A slight vibration ran through me again, and I checked my phone. Nothing. Glancing over at Lisbon, I noticed a violent shiver spasm through her, even though she was buried in at least six blankets. I frowned in concern.

"Hey, what's the temperature in here.?"

"Don't you touch my thermostat Jane. It's at 70 degrees. It's perfect, and I don't feel like paying more."

"But you're freezing! And you must be using every blanket you own! I think raising it a couple degrees would be good."

"No." She set her jaw stubbornly, and tried to tame the shiver that ran through her system. Sighing in aggravation, a different course of action suddenly entered my mind. Uncertainty coursed through me, as well as that damn guilt. I resisted the urge to finger my ring. What I had in mind wasn't that bad. But it was a kind of invasion. Physically and emotionally, the simple thing I had in mind was behind a massive barrier. For years, distance was key in both body and soul. I couldn't handle it after so many years. Yet, looking over at her, it seemed the easiest thing in the world to do.

But it wasn't.

The she shivered again, tightening the blankets around her, and suddenly my internal battle seemed trivial. My brain made a decision, and my emotional issues would just have to be dealt with later.

"Hey, come over here." I said softly, patting the spot next to me.

She turned her head and eyed me as if I had six legs. "Uhmm….no."

"Oh Lisbon please." I said lightly, "You're shivering, and I know a way I can help."

No Jane." And with that she turned away, and stared resolutely ahead.

She shivered.

She coughed.

I estimated her resolve would give in in about..ohhh….five minutes. I threw my arm over the back of the couch, an open invitation. Judging by the glances she was throwing at me, her body's needs were overruling her stubbornness.

Two minutes passed and she gave in. Silently, she crawled across the couch, dragging the blankets with her. I greeted her with a soft smile, and after a moment's hesitation, she tucked herself into my side. She threw the blankets over us both, trapping our body heat.

"See?" I said as she discovered my warmth, and curled herself tighter against me. She merely grumbled a response, and her head fell against my chest. Slowly, her breathing evened out.

I flipped the TV off, and listened to the rhythm of her breathing. It was soothing and something I hadn't experienced in a long while. The sensation of having a warm, soft feminine body against me was something I sorely missed as well. My body seemed to agree because my hand came up to her hair, pressing her head softly against me.

Her shivering had ceased, and my fingers continued to toy with strands of her hair. Staring at the ceiling, I realized something:

I had changed my mind, my ways, my guilt, for Lisbon. Her needs had overcome my emotional problems. Five years ago, I vowed to avenge them, and not let anything get in my way. Five years ago I had made a promise to her, that I would never get close to any woman, never attach myself to someone else.I didn't deserve It and it would betray her memory.

And yet, here I was. But it didn't feel wrong, it didn't feel like a sin (and I know what sin feels like), and it didn't feel guilty. Not with Lisbon. Somehow, nothing ever felt wrong with Lisbon.


End file.
